Shit Happens

Posted on | Friday, September 3, 2010 | No Comments

Sometimes when life’s monotony makes it to the tipping point, Mr. Fate wakes up , wobbles his head vigorously and gets into action to strike an immediate stability and shit happens!

As I must have given a hint, to all my friends and remote cousins and distant relatives and theirs, about the world-weariness of MAAC, I continued to hunt for more souls to supply the information with. And do a favor to mankind!

**applause, applause**

Thank you, thank you people! My pleasure!

Not that the place sucked all the time, there were happy times too, you know? Like if a professor did not show up- thanks to a few viruses, or if a lecture got cancelled, or when the lectures that seemed eternal… ended or when the place got invaded by the ant-people from planet Gurk etc , with more occurrence possibility of the last one than the former ones.

So one fine day when the eternal lecture got over (quite an irony, ain’t it?) I was finally introduced to some entertainment.

My fine-looking classmate Jignasha Patel had to pay a much crucial visit to the lavatory for her daily spruce-up rituals.
 I have always wondered why a person would want to tidy up when the only place they would be proceeding to is home.

I accompanied her to the place and waited outside as she devotedly performed her daily ritual of cleansing and moisturizing the facial pores and combing the locks.
She carries all sorts of stuff in her gigantic pink ‘hello kitty’ bag. It does make a difference, as she shows up blushing pink when she comes out after a long really loooooooooooong glance at herself in the mirror.

Now some dudes might be all "Why do they have to carry so much with them everywhere in that ridiculously huge bag?"
But not me. Although I don’t carry a huge bag (I’m just a lazy lass) I love girls’ ridiculously huge bags and all the crap that's in them. Just yesterday I was pawing through a friend's purse in a "needless item" scrutiny. You should have seen the stuff she had! If someone burst into the cafe and was all "Quick, I require a sewing needle, 20 pounds of glossy magazines, a deck of cards, safety pins, not one but two combs, matches, a hair dryer, foot cream, a tungsten rod and Veerappan’s autobiography -- and step on it!" I could have produced said items from my friend's bag. It's 100 degrees outside, and she's willing to drag around a metric ton of nonsense? Brilliant!!

Anyways…so the washroom visit happens to be hence a very time consuming ritual ever known to mankind… they say!

So I preferred to lean against the wall and relax until the pink classmate comes out of the greenroom…err restroom.
Within seconds I heard a sharp shriek. (Courtesy: my classmate) .Now this wasn’t some ‘Eeeeeks! A mouse’ shriek.
I figured that out because intense and hideous shrieks could be heard from the boys’ restroom.

Oh boy something, you know, has really gone wrong when you hear a blend of shrieks from puberty hit boys with hormone affected tones.

It somehow sounds funnier when you get to listen to some nastily offensive desi guy slang along with noise.

 All charged up, the boys immediately blamed and yelled at the next guy who entered the restroom.

While I still wondered why....

By then my classmate popped out with half her face still covered in face wash bubbles unaware and wiped her face off and on the other side the boy who entered last came out too giving me hard-hitting looks.

Boy , was I glad he left!

I chuckled a bit….

But Jigi didn’t spare me. She yelled and she yelled yet again.
“Kya mansi? You think that was funny? And how could you even laugh …??
Well technically I could’ve answered that with a “Dunno Jigi…I just open my mouth and out it comes…”  But I preferred not to, considering the vulnerability of the situation and the fact that strangely I was being blamed for the confusion.

I had no clue why that was. I wasn’t even laughing anymore. I only knew I had enjoyed the chaos in the restrooms. My imagination worked best when knowledge was zilch.

I mean with the given situation wherein too many male species empty their bladders at the same time in one clumsy room yell collectively and a girl shrieks with face-wash bubbles on her face in the another restroom with a mirror.

What could have possibly happened in both the washrooms?? And at the same time??

I had no clue, although I was grinning wide!

May be it was a mice attack!

May be it was the ant-people from planet Gurk!

How about…if the lights went off in both the washrooms and a total black out?

May be it was me!!

Oh shit! I shouldn’t have leaned on the wall (read switches)…. **grins slyly**

Careful what you wish for....

Posted on | Wednesday, February 10, 2010 | No Comments

The day was like any other grimy, monotonous and baking summer day in Mumbai. I left MAAC after my daily practice conference.
Lord I detest that place from the core of my tiny heart and I just can’t get enough of saying this.
Anyways that’s not the issue here.
As per routine ,I boarded Bus No.254 ( Veera Desai Road-Andheri Station) and rushed to my beloved window seat No.4 (right hand side-yep, I owned it) before somebody else grabbed it.

Beloved it is because from here I can stick my head out of the window like a dog and sense the air on my face as the bus gets into motion. Nobody!! Nobody can block my view, except the driver. Err…rare chances of him doing that though.

The air plays a crucial role of blowing away the trauma off my face, which I have perhaps inherited from MAAC.
My cell phone-a very significant collaborator of the air –helps me soothe my twinge by keeping me supplied with some decent music before I march into a fresh combat zone (read home ) and gear up for an even more brutal war. This one continues to be fought over the past 5 years, in favor of “messed up” lifestyles, additional brunch options and minuscule internet usage.

So much for the details, back to the episode.

So I had my MP3 on shuffle mode as that happens to be, perhaps, the only ‘amusement’ in my MAAC infested life. As I switched to the music, the first song to appear was Chris Daughtry’s “I'm going home”.

Ah I love that song!
Even though the artist is in high spirits that he’s finally going home and that isn’t quite how I feel when I do the same these days, I do love the song.

Ahem, so…where was I? Umm..Yea…so

The sun was flaring hard on my face. I couldn’t possibly keep my enormous eyes open. And even when I shut them firm, I could see multi-colored fireworks shooting all over. My not-so-pale face had turned all red and my ears could spot the veins. They looked like river tributaries.

All I could think of was water…and downpour …and drizzle …Those are the obvious things that could come to your mind, ain’t they? I could accurately picture myself drenched from head to toe.

And then all of a sudden…… out of nowhere emerged an angelic bump on the road. An overflowing water tanker passed by my bus and hit the bump so hard that the water gushed out of the bright red tanker , bounced stiff on its iron body and splattered right on my face, arms and also my cell phone. As if it was destined to come and slap my face so hard, that I had no choice but to smile and be glad…while I go home.

And exactly right then Chris Daughtry sings in my ears…
''Careful what u wish for…..cuz u just might get it all ….u just might get it all ''

Mind-boggling eh?
You can call it co-incidence, fluke, twist of fate….your choice!
I had asked for it!
To add to this freaky-yet-not-so-freaky experience….trust me ....when I was writing this down I had plugged my MP3 in my ears and the music started again.........
...................with the same song.